Sadness

It really has started to sink in...the fact that the transfer didn't take the first time and I don't understand why. That's the typical feeling most get when they "want" to be pregnant. I wasn't sure how it would all affect me, since biologically the child we want to create is not mine. Honestly, it is a different feeling but still leaves me sad at the end of the day.

Of course through my agency I have a wonderful support system, where many surrogates post questions and answers to just about everything related to their journeys. It has been very helpful so far, but today...I felt sadness. It was probably brought on after reading about other surrogates who transferred around the same time as me, but they are getting a BFP and a BETA number. To keep my chin up I keep telling myself over and over again that it just wasn't time yet...but it is so hard when the failure is too fresh. Maybe I should stay off the computer this weekend...or week just so I can emotionally recuperate...sigh...

In need of a hug...

Negative

While at lunch today I got the call from CFA that I already "knew" was coming. My blood test this morning confirmed what I had been feeling all week -I am not pregnant. Although I am upset, sad that the journey isn't going onto the next step, I know that I will help my IF become a daddy in the next year. I believe everything happens for a reason, and my IF and I were brought together to create the family he's always wanted.

At this point, the next steps are up in the air. My IF will have a consultation with Dr. D and decide what to do next. Not having any frozen embies from the last retrieval will make it more difficult, I think, but I am not sure.

I will no longer be taking medications. In the next few days, I should see my AF revisit and then we'll all go from there.

Getting Closer to BETA day

7dp3dt
Mild cramping all day -used heating pad at night, my poor tummy

8dp3dt
Mild cramping and heartburn (Maybe it was the small piece of cake I ate?)

9dp3dt
POS this morning and got negative results :(
I hate POS when it isn't POSITIVE.

POSITIVE thoughts for Wednesday's blood draw!!!
Give us some high BETA numbers, please :)

9dp3dt
Continued heartburn and cramping (fell asleep with heating pad again!)

10dp3dt
Couldn't sleep, was up at 3:30 AM
POS - negative :(
Heartburn and am really hungry, wondering if I should eat so early?

Maybe I should just pee on the other two tests I have left?

11dp3dt
BETA test in the AM
Someone from CFA will "text" me the results

Xfingers!!!